Womp, SideEye, Wack
by Happy Birthday artbeatsandlife
Summary: Jake seeks shelter from the rain in the Cullens' rec room and things take an unpredictable turn when a few of them join him. AU/Crackfic. Embry, Emmett, Jacob, Jasper, Rosalie. M for explicit adult content & lemons.


**A/N: **This story was originally borne in a WC a few months ago when things got a little out of hand and our dearest **artbeatsandlife** requested this little piece of insanity for her birthday. Of course, we couldn't let such an opportunity go to waste, and a bunch of us got together and brought this fuckery to life.

**Prompts**: water, hot tub, honey, obscenity

**Characters **(alphabetical order): Embry, Emmett, Jake, Jasper and, Rosalie

**Disclaimer: **We would like to apologize to Stephenie Meyer (the creator of all things Twi) and to her beloved characters, who we made do some... well, you'll see.

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**Womp, Side-Eye, Wack**

It was dark and Jacob was wet from the rain. He had stumbled into the Cullens' rec room where he found a hot tub and a bottle of honey perched on the edge of it. Like most days, he wore nothing besides his cut off denim shorts. Yet, steam rose from his uncovered skin, as he naturally sweltered with enough heat to warm the water that had splattered against him. It was only then that Jacob realized the truth, and with no less than a little embarrassment; the hot tub_ wasn't _turned on. Even from afar, he was making the water bubble merely due to the heat of his internal cum-bustion engine.

"Fuck me sparkly," he thought with a grunt, "how the hell am I supposed to wax the wolf with Bella if my lupeen log is likely to make her hot core go nuclear?" Jacob sat in silence for a minute, debating what to do next. There were decisions to be made, and they were tough. He got pulled out of his silent thinking when Emmett and Jasper suddenly appeared.

"Get in the motherfucking hot tub," Emmett ordered, abruptly.

"What the fuck?" Jacob demanded, incredulously.

"You heard me," Emmett replied. "And lose the shorts, too."

"Dude, it's a sausage fest in here. I'm not dropping my shorts," Jasper said, defiantly. "God, Emmett, quit being so fucking stupid."

"My Emmett said drop your shorts, and you very damn well will drop your shorts, boys." A voice meowed from behind all of them. They turned to see Rosalie, donning the skimpiest string bikini known to man.

Emmett's mouth fell open when he saw what Rosalie was wearing. All he wanted was to grab her and find some houses to demolish, right away. As he was looking at Rosalie, he suddenly realized there was a bottle of honey placed on the hot tub. Oh, the things he wanted to do with that honey.

"Are you two just going to eye fuck each other all night?" Jasper ribbed.

"I don't know about _eye _fucking..." Emmett whispered, under his breath.

3.761 seconds later, Jacob found himself looking everywhere but forward as Rosalie straddled Emmet, and Jasper seemed a little too focused into their pursuits for Jacob's comfort. Not to mention that having three vamps in the room had really chilled the temp; Jacob's wofly endowment was in danger of becoming a shyful pup rump. He wondered what the hell was keeping....

"Miss me, Jakey-poo?" said a scantily-clad brown-eyed babe.

Jacob's eyes practically popped out of his their sockets when he witnessed the sight before him. Embry was wearing the shortest pair of cut-off jean shorts he had ever seen. The pockets were visible from beneath the frayed hem and barely covered his ass cheeks. His bare chest was glistening from the pouring rain, outside.

"E-embry?" Jacob managed to choke out. "What is... _that?_" He gestured to Embry's strange outfit (or lack thereof).

"You like?" Embry inquired, confidently.

"I uh... umm..." Jacob stuttered.

Jasper lightly - for him - punched Jacob in his enormous and rigid bicep, still managing to nearly knock him over. Then, in a flirty feminine voice said, "Oh Jakey, don't act like you don't like it. You know you want some of that fine Embry ass."

Jake couldn't take his eyes off of the short shorts Embry wore, which showed off all of Embry's parts - _all _of them. Jacob had seen Embry naked before a hundred times after phasing, but this was different. He glanced over at Rosalie and Emmett, who already had begun to get into some serious foreplay. Watching Rosalie's top come off and looking at Embry's package gave him one of the biggest hard-ons he had ever experienced. Jacob swallowed the huge lump in his throat.

Jake didn't understand what was going on. He was turned on by _vampires_ and _Embry_? Granted, his dry spell had been lasting painfully long... He rubbed over the uncomfortable bulge in his pants, contemplating his immediate course of action. _Aww, fuck it, _he finally thought, eyeing the welcoming bubbles of the hot tub. He stepped to the edge, discarded his cut-offs and lowered himself into the warm water.

"Show me what your man meat can handle, Jakey," Embry said, his voice sounding more feminine than Jake cared to really think about.

Jake wrapped his large hand around his already throbbing cock, gave a nervous look to the vampires that were clearly too into each other to care what anyone else was doing. His hand traveled over the head of his throbbing member before he shifted his hand down his trunk of a shaft.

"Mmm, that's what I've been waiting for," Embry said, as he licked his lips in anticipation.

"Fuck," Jacob moaned as he moved his hand up and down slowly. He watched Embry move to him in the water, positioning himself behind Jacob. The feeling of Embry's hard chest along his back made his hand work faster.

For as much as he wanted to shut Embry out, he couldn't help the fact that hearing Embry speaking was adding to his dick's hardness. The memory of Embry, standing outside the hot tub, looking like the Pack's personal Britney Spears, was fucking setting him up for a massive eruption. His hand brushed over his sack and a moment's panic caused him to open his eyes. He couldn't be doing this, could he?

"Show me how you'd fuck me, Jakey. Show me what that cock of yours can do, baby," Embry hissed in Jacob's ear.

"FUCK!" Jacob growled as he gripped his cock and started to pump his fist madly up and down. His head rolled back and rested on Embry's shoulder leaving his neck fully exposed.

Embry, in turn, trailed his hand up over Jacob's arm that was furiously jacking his dick. His fingers lingered over Jacob's collarbone before they settled across Jake's neckline. He squeezed his fingers slightly around the column of Jake's neck while his other hand dug into Jacob's thigh.

"Oh Shit!" Jacob moaned. He didn't give a second thought to the fact that there was another guy's rob pressed into the cleft of his ass, only that all of it was about to give him a mind bending self-love experience.

Jasper sat in the corner of the tub, all by his lonesome, watching the parade of lust unfold around him. While this group was naturally a horny bunch, they were far too wrapped to notice that he was toying with them like puppets. If he had to suffer through all of their arousal, he would at least have some fun with it.

He continued pouring loads of desire into them, drenching them in it so that everything they felt was tenfold and releasing them of any inhibitions. However, the counter to that was that each sensation reflected back to him with the same intensity. He reached for the honey, squirting some onto his fingers. The sparkly golden syrup instantly created pools in his mouth and, knowing the taste would resemble something closer to sludge than its appearance implied, he slid his fingers between his lips anyway. He'd hoped the food distraction would ease some of his need, but the feel of his own mouth only made him hungrier for what food wouldn't cure.

Honey was not the kind of snack Jasper was after, he wanted something different. The sweet liquid in his mouth sparked a completely different kind of lust to him. All he could think of was sinking his teeth into a human and drinking the blood. Without even realizing it, Jasper was channeling that emotion straight to Embry.

The mental image of slicing his teeth into Jake's round, plump, ass hit Embry like a storm and he ached to bite down on the nearest plot of skin he could find.

Lost in a confusing haze of bloodlust, Embry found himself hopping from the hot tub and crossing the room in a flash. There was a sharp crack as he tried, and failed, to sink his teeth into Emmett's granite ass.

"Dude! What the fuck??" Emmett cried out, halting his thrusting into Rosalie momentarily.

"Don't stop!" Rose demanded. She flailed her arm in outrage, hitting Embry, who was in the line of fire, squarely in the jaw.

There was another crack as a second of Embry's teeth chipped.

"Shith," Embry swore, rubbing his jaw. "You thtupid fucking leethes broke mah theeth."

"Listen pup, Emmett's rock hard ass is for my benefit only!" Rose said, giving Embry the evil side-eye. She didn't want Emmett to smell like a dog. That was a total turn off for her.

Rosalie turned Emmett to an about face in the water and examined the wound that Embry had made. She grabbed the honey from Jasper. "My turn to use this, now," she said forcefully.

She poured the honey all over Emmett's ass and began to lick it up, sealing the wound with her tongue in the process. Emmett cried out her name, feeling her tongue on his ass, and every man in the room stopped to watch. Her back arched like a cat and her tits bobbed up and down, as she worked Emmett over.

"Now turn around," she demanded of Emmett.

"Holy Fuck," Jacob cried.

Jasper's tongue was suddenly sliding along Jacob's blood smeared chest, his ice cold tongue gliding in delicious, mind-spinning circles around the wolf's nipples. It was his own mistake. Jasper was so caught up in the swirl of lust and desire that he was projecting it to everyone. Jacob had bit his own hand in response to the intense craving to taste blood.

The shock of pain sobered the wolf enough to lift his gaze to find an equally shocked blond vampire wading through the bubbling water toward him. Jacob absently wiped his bloody hand across his chest and the lusty leech struck like a horny cobra. Jacob was sure - well mostly sure - that he wasn't a pillow biter, but the way the vampire's tongue slithered over his skin was making him reconsider his stance on sword fighting.

"Wha," Jacob managed to gasp as the vampire lifted him out of the water and set him on the edge of the tub. Jasper smiled at him, as he used Jacob's bloody hand to paint red streaks along the shaft of the wolfboy's hard hot dick.

"Any port in a storm, my friend," Jasper whispered against the wolf's steamy copper skin, and lowered his head to cover Jacob's rod with his cold wet mouth.

The icy sensation enveloping Jacob's already pulsing cock was a-fucking-mazing. He didn't even care that it was a dude (much less a vampire) who was deep throating him hungrily. Jasper gripped Jacob's thighs to the point of pain and Jacob started to moan loudly and uncontrollably. He grabbed Jasper's hair, roughly, and guided his head down, increasing the pace.

Jasper got the message and started to thrust over Jacob at vampire speed. Jacob's body started to quake as his orgasm overtook him and he was just about to explode into Jasper's mouth when he heard a, "This shit is wack!" from the corner.

The next moment, all the water was displaced from the hot tub, as Emmett dive-bombed in. When the spray (of water, not Jake's spunk) subsided, everyone sobered for a moment, examining the scene surrounding them.

Splashes and drips collided all around. A blend of hot and cold sweltered through the atmosphere. The air was so thick, it was difficult to breathe.

Bella woke up in the middle of her back lawn, drenched from the scattering rain. She looked over herself, slow to move from the fog of her slumber. One hand rested on her breast, gripping her nipple while the other cupped her crotch.

_Holy Fuck,_ she thought. _What the hell was that?_

She sprung up, assessing her surroundings. She was alone with her lust and the obscenities of her dream. There was only one solution...

_Womp! _

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**A/N:** Thanks for reading! Feel free to tell us how nuts we are or how much you love **artbeatsandlife** by clicking that little review button below.

**Dahlia Black, einfach mich, Hopeful Wager, Jakeward, juliebutterfly, Kay Cannon, todream**


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